On New Year’s Eve, I had a conversation with hubby about the state of our relationship. During the conversation, he admitted that he realized he was ill prepared for the responsibilities expected of him as a husband. I appreciated that he admitted that to me. Over the past few days, we’ve been sort of going back and forth as to whether he’s ready to step up and take care of those responsibilities or not. He really hasn’t decided yet.
So I’ve been thinking about what are the responsibilities of a husband? What is a husband expected to do to contribute dutifully in a marriage?
Be the Spiritual Leader
In my marriage, the number one thing I am looking for in my husband is for him to be the spiritual leader. We hit a road block with this trait first when we couldn’t come to an agreement on what church to attend. My husband was raised a primitive baptist, and I was raised a missionary baptist. I have been going to church with him since we first started dating. He even proposed at his church. However, I’ve never been 100% comfortable worshiping there. He’s visited my church once and does not care for it, nor my pastor.
One way I expect him to be the spiritual leader in our marriage is to lead us in prayer. I have asked hubby to pray for us, and it just…hasn’t happened. We pray individually. Every night, I do pray for us and our marriage. I would love for him to lead us in prayer, because I truly believe a couple who prays together, stays together.
Be the Provider
One of the first things people think of when they think of the responsibilities that rest with the husband is to provide for the family. Since our wedding, our immediate family has consisted of him and I (and Frankie at one point). Being the provider means working to make money and take care of things financially. Rent or a mortgage needs to be paid monthly. Utility and other bills should be handled. Food needs to be on the table. In our marriage, I have never looked to him to be the sole provider, and have contributed as well. Some couples feel it’s strictly the man’s job; I’m okay with working so we can live comfortably.
Be Emotionally Available
A tough one for any husband, being emotionally available is very important. I don’t expect him to be the most sensitive man in the world, but I do expect him to be open about how he feels, and compassionate about my feelings. I mentioned before that Terrance was emotionally constipated, and usually only opens up after a lot of poking and prodding. And it doesn’t come easy. Usually I get shut out before I get to the bottom of how he’s really feeling. He says he’s the logical one and I’m the emotional one, but I can see it the opposite on some days.
Be Physically Present
This has been the source of many arguments lately. Because we’re not under the same roof, we only have so much time we can spend with each other. Once I started working, we agreed that weekends would be our time together. However, we haven’t had a consistent spree of weekends together. Sometimes he makes other plans, and weekends are out. I don’t think it’s asking too much, to block out not even a full 72 hours for me, but he has struggled with this, no matter how many times I’ve asked for him to change it.
These are just some responsibilities of a husband. What would you add? Do you have any suggestions on how my husband can grasp these concepts?