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I have your attention, don’t I? Well hopefully I have my husband’s attention as well. Stop acting like you’re in the 3rd grade. This 3 letter word is a reality, especially in a marriage. However, it’s not happening until I lose weight.
If you’ve been reading for a while, you understand that my weight and my health has been a major issue. I’ve tried juicing, I’ve tried walking, I’ve tried a diet. However, all of these efforts have been short lived. I’m not one to blame others for my shortcomings. I take responsibility for my lack of weight loss. However, it’s more than me just sticking to a plan. Along with lack of support from my doctors, who seem not to take my pre-diabetes and PCOS seriously, there’s another culprit keeping me from being the healthiest I can be: my husband.
My husband is the ultimate diet sabotager, and that’s not even a word. He’s awful. He tempts me into unhealthy choices like fast food, burgers, and fries. When we go grocery shopping, he still insists on getting something fast and fattening. When I try to adjust and eat healthier, he doesn’t support me. He may be skinny, but I think a healthier diet could help us both out. Instead, he totes Taco Bell and In-N-Out in my face. I try to drink water, he buys sodas. I ask for fruit, he asks for fries. When I ask him to go walking with me, he complains either about the time, the weather, or his back suddenly starts aching. I’m taking matters into my own hands.
I announced to him this weekend that I will not be having sex until I lose weight. He sort of laughed it off, thinking I won’t stick with it, but I have every intention of sticking to my plan. I’m not a prude, and I’m not addicted to sex, so while it’ll be a challenge, I certainly won’t be dying to go against it. Not only that, honestly, I’ve been so uncomfortable with my weight, I have been resisting sex. I don’t feel sexy at all, and I’ve been beyond self conscious about my body. I can’t even look at myself naked, let alone want anyone else doing so. He says he doesn’t have a problem with my body but I do.
So the plan is to lose 30 pounds. As of this morning, I’m back at 191.6 after I had lost weight by incorporating juicing. That’s because hubby’s been wanting pizza and Jack in the Box and blah blah blah. I know, I’m a big girl (literally), I can make my own food choices. However, it’s that much more difficult when the one person who should be supporting you is actually sabotaging your diet. So I’ve taken what may seem to be drastic measures.
I didn’t swear off sex forever. I made some deals. For every 5 pounds lost, we can do the deed. So that’s up to 6 scheduled times haha. I don’t have an actual timeline or deadline, so it’s up to us as to how often that will be. I’m hoping that using this as leverage will be an incentive for him to encourage me and help me with my weight loss. Maybe he’ll actually exercise with me now. Maybe he’ll realize he’s tempting me to eat unhealthy as opposed to going down the BMI chart, since I’m officially obese. These are more hopes than realities.
Most people who see me would beg to differ, but I try to wear clothes that mask the obvious, which doesn’t always work. There will be people who think I’m insane to do this (my BFF has already said I’m crazy). However, my weight is such a burden, such a problem, that I dread sex anyways and feel uncomfortable. So this is what I’m going to do.
So cuddle up babe. You won’t be getting any until I see some results.
What do you think? Is this a good idea or bad idea? TMI? Any tips or suggestions?
No sex!!! I’m sure it’s a strong motivator but maybe you should decrease your increments and have sex every time you lose .01 of a pound. LoL!
LOL! At that rate it’ll take forever. He’s okay with it. I asked him if he had suggestions on changing the frequency and he said it sounded fine.
I would really like to know how this worked?
What do I think?
I think you’re headed for 22 and Divorced if you keep pulling that.
Don’t withhold that from your spouse. That’s not what God designed it for.
Aww Hunter. I’m not withholding it for a long time. I mentioned for every 5 pounds there’ll be sex. Do you recommend having sex while I’m uncomfortable with my body instead?
>>> “I’m not withholding it for a long time.”
You’ll be doling it out for months at least. Two pounds a week is over three months. This assumes also that (a) you continue to lose weight through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the rest of the winter, and (b) you’re not an emotional eater when your household gets all stressed out because of the lack of sex.
>>> “I mentioned for every 5 pounds there’ll be sex.”
So for the next few months at the very least, with the exception of five times — which are on your schedule, not his — you’ll be throwing a bucket of ice water on your husband when he desires you.
That’s cruel. What has your husband done to deserve this kind of treatment? To me it looks like little more than a sadistic power trip.
>>> “Do you recommend having sex while I’m uncomfortable with my body instead?”
I recommend having sex with your husband because _he is your husband._ You being uncomfortable with your body isn’t his problem, but you’re making it his problem and punishing him for months in the process.
My wife of nearly ten years would tell you pretty much the same thing:
“Yes, I would. and I do. I’m rather uncomfortable with my own body, but I don’t take it out on my husband.” (Mrs. MBH)
Pick something else to abstain from.
You make some good points, but I didn’t just make the decision on my own. We discussed it, I asked for his feedback, and asked if he felt comfortable enough with the challenge. It’s not a power trip at all. Sex has to be a mutual agreement. If I don’t feel comfortable with myself or my body, I’m not going to force myself to have sex. That’s not fair to myself or to my husband, since I won’t enjoy it and will possibly resent him for making me feel like I didn’t have a choice in it.
It won’t be on my schedule. I’m not going to say “okay I lost the weight, let’s do it tonight.” It’ll be a mutual agreement as to when we’d like to have it. We’ve gone for periods of time without sex before for one reason or another. If it’s causing that much strain on our relationship, I’d be 100% open to dropping it.
I don’t see it as “taking it out on him”. I see it as a way for us to both work on an issue together, as a team. It’s not one sided, and I certainly wouldn’t do it with malicious or ill intent.
Sounds like the plot of a bad Katherine Heigl movie. If it works, great, but what is stopping you from gaining it right back after hitting your weight and lifting the restriction?
If it doesn’t work your relationship is screwed (unlike you)
LOL I see what you’re saying, but I’ve realized the reason I gained weight is because of my eating habits and lifestyle. If those things change, I won’t get back to where I am now. And like I mentioned, for every 5 pounds, there’ll be sex. I’m not swearing it off completely.
I think that communication is key. I got married at age 20 and have been married 6 1/2 years! As long as yall have had a discussion and continue to communicate throughout the journey you will be fine. No one else can call you crazy, or say what will or won’t happen in your relationship because its yours. I wish you the best in your pound shedding!
Thank you Lavenia! This challenge will most certainly revolve around communication just as much as any weight loss tactics. It’s not going to be easy but it’s also worth a try.
Wow, this reminds me of the plot of a play that I performed in at my high school.
The play was called The Assemblywomen, and its plot revolved around a group of Ancient Greek women who withheld sex from the men until they got the right to vote.
I just looked it up on Wikipedia after I started writing this comment, and discovered that apparently the version we did in high school is totally different than the “adult” version of the plot.
In the adult version — the “real” version — ”
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mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
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p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
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–They enforce an idea of equality by allowing every man to
sleep with every woman."
So …. nevermind!
why not just talk to your husband about being supposrtive in terms of exercise and meals? i just think that would have better long term results and is a better way of turning towards each other in the face of an issue like this, instead of turning away.
nevertheless, i am really interested to hear the results and hope that you can find something to motivate you to lose the weight quickly!
Umm… but what if this is one of his love languages 🙂
girl, you are beautiful. don’t allow you or anyone else to tell you differently. your husband married you because he realized your beauty externally AND internally. please don’t allow any possibility for drama to creep into the marriage. men need sex – their bodies literally need it. and if you deprive him of it regularly, resentment and bitterness can really sneak in. trust me – i’ve seen this. instead, i would really suggest that you get sexy with your husband. encourage him to support you in your weight-loss goals with sexy incentives. 😉 even webmd suggests this: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-for-weight-loss.
Is your husband also 21? I have never met a 21 year old man who doesn’t want to do it all the time. I know that you have decades to be together and to be intimate, but these are the “activity years”. Since you don’t have kids, you are really free to “do it” anytime, anywhere, any way you want. And you want to give that up because you are uncomfortable with your weight?! Find a new position! Turn off the lights! Role play! Find your inner “Big Girl” and bust a move! Just don’t send your husband out into the world “under-sexed” every day. Because trust me, in theory he is agreeing – only because he assumes that when he wants it, you will give in – just like you do with your willpower towards not eating the right types of food. Turn him down too often, and he will be turning to someone else to fill that need.
At 21, neither of you really even knows who you are yet! You have so much growing yet to do. Don’t put up additional obstacles to that process.
My advice. If you must go thru with this idea, then either do a liquid diet, raw diet, high protein/low carbs, or a sugar free diet. Those will get the weight off the fastest. But a good sex session every night is the perfect cardio and strength training workout!
Why not FLIP THINGS?! How about for every 5 pounds lost you will try a new position?! Or you will live out one of his fantasies? Or try something new in the bedroom, like toys or videos or costumes/role play?
Unless BOTH of you are really just not that into sex, I don’t think your plan is a sound one. IMHO.
Wow with holding sex from your husband. That’s not a good idea. Not at all. If ur weight is an issue then withholding sex will not help u loose the weight. It’s only going to cause more stress & if u are anything like me you will go back to your bad eating habits & might even gain even more weight. I’ve been blaming any and everything for my weight gain for the past 5 years. It wasn’t until I wanted to really loose it & get back to my idea of sexy that I was able to loose 18 lbs in one month. I have 12 lbs to go & I feel good about myself. Don’t let your issue with your weight gain turn u away from your husband. Let this weight lost be something that u do for yourself. Then once he sees how serious you are about being healthy he will jump on board. It will be hard but u have to Sri k to it. Good luck & keep making sweet love to that man. It can be a form of exercise too. Lol
*stick to it* Sorry my phone does what it wasn’t sometime. Lol
I honestly think its a great motivational idea for you and him to help you more! Best of Luck!
When I try to adjust and eat healthier, he doesn’t support me. He may
be skinny, but I think a healthier diet could help us both out.
Instead, he totes Taco Bell and In-N-Out in my face. I try to drink
water, he buys sodas.
ac services miami
Sex can be Great For Exercise ! 😉
but i fully understand where you are coming from.
Wow worst plan ever. Why would you trying to punish your husband for your own diet shortcomings? You need to learn to love yourself and your body right now. All your doing is pointing out the obvious to your husband. Youre fat and sad. You need to take some responsibility and learn to get over yourself.
Ummm, Brianna…if you love your husband I hope you amended that vow. Just sayin…
Actually I think you do not need his support. My husband is the total opposite to me. He loves soda, and unhealthy stuff and I am trying to lose weight. Yes he is tall and skinny!! I am now 218 lb, (lost 8lb already) and I intend to lose this weight with or with out him. What you need to do is make a decision that you are doing this for you!!!
I exercise, I cook my healthy foods (some times he will eat it or not at all, but he loves his fast food – he will eat that), I don’t buy soda nor juice – if he wants it, he’ll buy it for himself and put it in the fridge and drink it. Its not a problem at all.
Also you can look into a site called sparkpeople.com, its a really gr8 site (shameless plug!!) and you’ll get all the support and encouragement you need there. The basis of this site is exercise, portion control, processed food in moderation, journaling of food and calorie counting, encourgement of other members. It totally works, it is not easy but I really enjoy it. So look into it and I guarantee you’ll lose weight… and you can start back to have sex once more, even before you’ve lost your 30lb because you’ll feel gr8!!
Thanks Dae! I’ll definitely check the site out. I’m joining a weight loss group and our 12 week challenge starts in August, so I’m excited about that. Since I wrote this post, I’ve lost 20 pounds, and I brought the sex back haha. But I’m also getting more encouragement and support from my husband thankfully. I like your plan of having your husband get the unhealthy stuff and you sticking to your plan, buying what you need.
What a drastic thing, especially for your husband 😛 But if he doesn’t mind, go for it… you do it for yourself! Personally, I’m searching for some weight loss ideas, because I also want to lose some of my extra pounds, but naturally, slow without no rush. Now, I will see if I will find something to worth it.
My spouse gained heavy weight and sought commercialized weight-loss solutions, investing in laser treatments and infomercial shakes and formulas which didn’t produce the desired results. After suggesting changes in lifestyle (real food v. fast food and weight-loss formulas, exercise in lieu of inactivity), I was subject to being too judgemental and non-supportive of their way to lose weight (despite my telling of concerns of health risks). As months carried on, and their weight climbed while I remained silent, I withheld sexual activity, nearly 6 months. I was approached as to why I was no longer intimate, where I was honest–they were losing attraction and causing me to worry too much to where sex was no longer on my mind. I’m still hoping they will begin making small changes.