The day of your wedding, you become husband and wife, but have you forgotten the other roles of your spouse? They had roles before you began dating, probably found a few during your courtship, and even after your first anniversary. Sure, your marriage is one of the most important relationships they’re in, and very well could be the most important, but that doesn’t mean they’re your husband or wife, and only that. We have to respect that our spouse has other relationships he or she has to keep healthy as well, and should allow, support, and encourage them to do so. Roles include being a child, a sibling, a grandchild, an employee, a friend, an uncle or aunt, a niece or nephew, and more.
I support my husband’s roles and try my best to stay in my lane when things come up with those other roles:
My Husband’s Role as a Son
I love my in-laws, and I found I’m one of the few who doesn’t have problems with mine. My in-laws gave birth to my husband, and their relationship didn’t end when him and I moved in together, nor did I expect it to. His mom and dad will ask him to do things for them and I don’t mind at all. Even when they get on his nerves, I remind him that they’re his parents, and will always be his parents, and encourage him to be patient with them. I don’t say “don’t call them” or “why are they coming over?”; I make sure he calls to check up on them, and that their relationship remains solid.
My Husband’s Role as a Brother
Hubby is the baby in his family, and he has a bunch of brothers and sisters. As a matter of fact, he just found a long lost brother of his, and he’s meeting him this week! His brothers will call him and they will keep him on the phone forever, but I don’t mind. I don’t have that relationship with my siblings, so I always tell him to be thankful of that. While most of his siblings don’t keep up with him, and he gets down about it at times, I remind him that he still has some who he can rely on. He’s even gone to midnight premiers of comic book movies with one of his brothers. While some wives would prevent their husband’s from going, I sent him out the door without a second thought.
My Husband’s Role as a Friend
I have admitted that I’m jealous of my husband. He has had some of the same friends since Kindergarten which is almost unheard of! My best friend and I knew each other in 3rd grade but didn’t become friends until the 6th. Anyways, I’m a faithful believer of giving your husband ample time with his friends. I have never wanted to be the girlfriend or wife who keeps her man from hanging out with his boys. When his friends want to come over, I say sure. If he wants to go out with them, I say absolutely. I don’t get upset or inpatient. I don’t like being selfish with him. I’ve always tried to make his friends feel as comfortable as possible, and that will never change.
My husband has other roles that I respect, and try not to interfere with. My main focus is our relationship and his role as a husband. The only role I’ll be extremely concerned with, butting in and speaking my opinion, is being a father, and we have plenty of time for that. Likewise, he respects my roles, which may be a little more demanding: daughter, granddaughter, friend, entrepreneur, etc.
What other roles does your spouse hold that you may have butted heads about? Any that you wish he or she spent less time on? By the way, that’s hubby, his parents, and some of his siblings.
- Marriage Chat Recap: In-Laws and Extended Family (20andengaged.com)
- Dr. Gian Gonzaga: I’m Married… Now What? (huffingtonpost.com)
- Marriage Defined (herbertmtowo.wordpress.com)
I have to say I am so jealous of your relationship with your in laws. My first set of in laws were heaven sent and because I have their grandbaby they are still in my life which makes up for the fact my current in laws don’t like me and don’t spend anytime with us including the kids. How much don’t like me you may ask…so much so they didn’t come to our wedding. Why don’t they like me…I am 2 yrs older than my hubby, I am from the a big city (NYC) they are very small town, I am not their race or religion, I like expensive Jeans…No seriously I am “too high maintenece/expensive for them”. I still encourage hubby to go visit or he would never see them but he is getting tired of this nonsense too. I think a lot like you, wanna hang with the guys..Great! Just don’t wake the baby when you get home 🙂
I’m so sorry you don’t get along with your current in laws 🙁 That can be BEYOND stressful. And to not come to your wedding? How immature is that? Parents tend to have an idea of who they want their child to marry but it’s not up to them. Hopefully it gets better but it’s nice that you still have a relationship with your previous in laws.