I thought Saturday was going to be a relatively relaxed evening. Not that it wasn’t but I most certainly wasn’t expecting the conversation that hubby and I had to occur. It was actually a conversation that needed to be had in full, one of the reasons I was silently resenting my spouse: church.

Hubby and I are both Baptist Christians, so I never thought there would be an issue. It’s not like I’m Muslim and he’s Catholic, or I’m Buddhist and he’s Jewish. I just assumed (we already know what that does) that we were pretty much on the same page. We both believe in God. We both read the Bible. What’s the big deal? Well, I grew up in a missionary Baptist church. He grew up in a primitive Baptist church. Before dating him, I had no idea what it was, but I would soon find out.

I started going to church with hubby about 6 months after we started dating. I didn’t know what to expect so I couldn’t exactly prepare myself. I asked him questions and he explained some things to me, but I’d find out that missionary and primitive Baptists have two very different types of services. At his church, there are no instruments. There’s singing of hymns from hymn books, but no choir, just the congregation. We’re the youngest attendees. The church is very small, and most of the members are over 55, including the pastor. There’s about 45 minutes of singing hymns, there’s fellowship of shaking hands, prayers, and then the sermon. After everything’s done, they take up collection.

At my church, it’s a bit different. The day I was baptized, our pastor passed on the reigns to his son, who at the time was the junior pastor. He’s much younger, and come to find out, he mentored at my hubby’s school growing up. There’s several choirs and ministries. We have an organist, a drummer, a guitar player. There’s hundreds of members, and the ages range from 3-90 or something like that. There’s announcements, several song selections, tithes & offering, maybe a performance from one of the ministries, and the sermon. This is what I’ve grown up with since before I was able to walk and talk. So it’s safe to say it was a bit of a culture shock.

I went to hubby church with him regularly, especially after there were some things I did not agree with my pastor on in his personal life. However, I never really got used to it. As of late, it’s really been weighing heavily on me since I’ve been regularly and hubby’s only been to my church twice. So Saturday when he asked me if I would go to church with him the following day, I found it to be the perfect opportunity to bring up the discussion. It was a bit heated, but not an argument. I said I wasn’t being spiritually fed at his church (I didn’t feel like I was) and didn’t think it was fair that he expected me to continue to give his church a try when he only went to my church twice. He claimed he has personal issues with my pastor and how he operates, and doesn’t believe he’s following the Bible how his church is.

We went back and forth, forth and back, for about an hour. He brought up scriptures, since he’s read the Bible cover to cover before, and I just brought up my feelings. I’m still on a spiritual journey, trying to figure out what is and what isn’t. I’ve yet to read the entire Bible, or even half for that matter. He felt like I was being negative. I felt like he was being self-righteous. It was a draining discussion. He asked me to keep an open mind. I asked him to be patient and not expect me to join right away, if at all.

I ended up going to church with him the next morning, praying to God for an open mind and heart. I connected with the message, and encouraged myself to stay focused. I decided to work on a Bible plan that will allow me to read the entire thing in a year. Will I go every Sunday? No. Not until I figure out if it’s really a commitment I will make. Until then, I’ll be a visitor.

Are you and your spouse on the same page religiously? If not, is it a problem in your relationship?