There’s some people who tackle problems head on and there’s others who try to ignore it and hope that it goes away. I’ve been both of those people. Right now, I’m really kicking myself for being the latter. This year has been the absolute worst for me financially for obvious reasons. But I’m drowning in debt. At this point, I have to rob Peter to pay Paul, and then here comes Joseph telling me I owe him money too. It’s so frustrating and it gives me anxiety, which triggers my depression, which shuts my entire productivity down.
My problem is I know better. I’ve always known better. I’ve never been able to play dumb about what was right and what was stupid. But for some reason I just continued to play stupid. It wasn’t smart, and now it’s catching up to me. Along with my personal loan from Lending Club, combined with my credit card debt, on top of my constantly overdrafted checking account, not to mention my always empty savings account, there’s a nice new debt that I owe: I owe my stepdad $500. Why? Because I got a ticket for speeding (which later ended up in an emotional breakdown) that I didn’t go to traffic school for. So the insurance went up an extra $500! Safe to say nobody’s happy with this. As if the $400 ticket wasn’t enough at the time. I have no one to blame but myself. I can use the excuse “I didn’t know how traffic school worked” and I really didn’t but it’s not good enough.
I’m not accepting any more excuses from myself. I’m tired of feeling like this. I’m tired of being the victim. I’m tired of making bad decisions. I’m tired of saying “I wish I wish I wish”. And honestly, this is more than about debt. I’m tired of saying how fat and unhealthy I am. I’m tired of not liking who I am or where I am in life. I’ve never wanted to become this person, yet here I am, a week away from my 21st birthday and no where close to where I want to be as a person. I can’t keep being concerned about other people and not concerned about myself. How am I supposed to be a role model when I’m at this point in my life?
So here’s to doing what I should’ve done a long time ago: getting my friggin life together!
- How to Get Out of Debt (stupidcents.com)
- October 2011 Net Worth Update (myjourneytomillions.com)
- Do I Need a Credit Card? (studenomics.com)
I am so sorry you are feeling this way and going thru what you are. I wish I had some awesome words for you to make you feel better. Just know at 21 I was in your place (except I was also a single mom). I was going thru bankruptcy after extended unemployment and no child support. I even owed the IRS which can’t be discharged in bk, and my car was days from repo so I know how you feel. I can tell from your writing you are a determined, smart, hard working person and you will get thru this. People as motivated as you (at such a young age) can only be successfu!!l! Have you decided to move?
Hang in there Sis…it will get better. You are here (in this space) for a reason. It will only be a season in your life if you truly believe it’s temporary. Keep pushin’…we’d love to run this piece on our site. Hit us up if that’s cool.
I have to say I am 31 and also not the person I want to be. I have overspend and accumulated unnecessary debt also. I also need to lose a few and be healthier. So do not feel you are alone. The good thing is we know it and now we can really start getting our frigging lives together. Don’t waste valuable time feeling sorry for yourself. Instead take actiona and steps to being that woman you want to be.
Good to know I’m not alone. We’ll make it to become the people we want to be!
So sorry! But, you know, you’ve taken the first step- realizing you need to change your behavior and take action. I used to be in debt over $48,000 but am now completely DEBT FREE and paid CASH for my house- all in a couple of years! You can do it too! Check out this website- she really helps:
Blessings to you!
Thanks so much. Your story is definitely an inspiration. Hopefully that’ll be us pretty soon.