Today, I will be sending in our 30 days notice to our landlord. The time has come for our lease to end. We’ve officially lived in this townhouse for a year, and what a year it has been. We came in engaged and we’re leaving married. As much as I wish we could stay, financially, it’s just not in the cards for now. After months of questioning and waiting, we learned a few days ago we’d have the opportunity to extend our lease until the end of April. After a long talk, breaking down the budget, and lots of thoughts and prayers, we decided not to stay the additional 3 months. So we’ll be moving back home at the end of February.
This is such a bittersweet time for us, admittedly more bitter than sweet. A year later, I still haven’t found full time or even part time employment outside of freelance writing. Along with the decision to move, hubby has decided to settle with his previous employer for a lumpsum of money as opposed to fighting for his job back through a wrongful termination suit. This was a tough decision, as he really wants to go back to work. However, we’ve decided it’s the best decision. We could have used the settlement money to help keep us in the townhouse for the additional 3 months, but we felt that it was just be prolonging the inevitable.
We will be moving back home separately, another hard decision. After living with each other for 1 1/2 years, it’s going to be an adjustment to not wake up next to each other every morning, going to sleep next to each other each night. We won’t be far away from each other, but it will still be yet another test of our marriage, one that I believe with hard work and dedication, we will make it through. I know many of you will wonder why we’re not moving together. We’ve discussed that over and over as well, and decided it would be best if he moved back in with his parents, and I back in with my grandparents. Neither one of us feels comfortable enough to move into the house of the other’s family. I’m sure some of you can relate.
We actually just got back home over the weekend from being out of the house for a community fumigation. We both stayed 1 night at his parents’, then I spent the next night at my grandparents’. Staying the night with my in-laws truly reaffirmed my decision to move back home. I love my in-laws, and I truly do feel lucky to have them. However, living with them is completely different from visiting them haha. Hubby and I grew up differently, and the adjusting would just be too much for me. Not to mention Frankie isn’t welcome there long term as per my father-in-law’s guidelines. So Frankie and I will be a mere 3.6 miles away (heck, maybe we’ll walk over some days).
Over the next 30 days, we’ll be doing some deep cleaning, throwing out things we don’t need, packing up things for storage, and making plans to divide up some of our things. We made a mini-list of things we’d both be taking. I’ve decided to give up the beloved MacBook (nooooooo) to hubby since he needs it for school, and I’ll be taking the desktop (replacing my grandma’s more outdated machine). Hubby’s giving up the XBox360 (yayyyyyy) so I can continue to workout using my Kinect games. I’ll probably be throwing out quite a few of our dishes and towels, thanks to dishwasher and laundry mishaps.
We certainly have to make arrangements to see each other on a regular basis. Date nights will be a must, and maybe we can tolerate a sleepover once or twice a week. I have to get Frankie under control to be able to live with (and not harass) my Pomeranian, Muffin, at my grandparents’ house. I also have to convince him hanging out on the couch at our house is fine but not at theirs. Can you read the stress in my words? I certainly feel it! But things aren’t all bad; it could be so much worse. We could have no where to go, Frankie could not be welcomed anywhere, we could be hundreds of miles away instead of walking distance. Hell, this is going to be a way for us to really focus on our debt, focus on school (I start on Wednesday!), and save up money to reunite. I admit, I’m a little disheartened that we’re going through so many things in the first year of our marriage (what happened to the honeymoon period, hell, the honeymoon itself?), but you play with the hand you’re dealt.
Have you ever lived away from your spouse? Have you ever had to move back home with your parents or other family members? Tell me your story. That’s not our notice, but I thought it was funny (photo credit to Bes Zain).
Living in two difference households as a (STILL) newlywed couple has to be very trying to your marriage. I’m curious as to how you plan on keeping the closeness being 3 miles away and not going being able to share all of the small things (chatting about your day over a cup of juice) that we kind of take for granted in a relationship.
I wish you both good luck since I know that you’ve been agonizing over this for some time. 🙁 I wish that things were different for you both. Have you thought about assistance of some sort?
Thanks Sandy. We’ll try to see each other as much as possible, regular date nights and simply being able to see each other. We’ve looked into different assistance programs, but there’s so many people who need it, some programs have indefinite waiting lists. We’ll keep searching though!
This sounds rough, I’m not even gonna lie. I have lived with Rambo for 5 1/2 years although it hasn’t always been easy when we’ve gone through growing pains and trying times in our relationship. I wish you luck moving forward. It’s going to help that both of you are going to have things that are going to keep you busy so that when the opportunity comes back, it’s going to be as if you were never apart. 🙂
Thank you! It’s going to be great I already know. Could actually be what we need. It’ll be hard work but I think we can do it.
Good luck to you.. sounds challenging.
Btw that is my friend, Bes Zain’s pic.. you linked to it, but it would be nice if you gave written credit to him.
Photo officially credited, thanks for the tip!
I agree, this does sound rough. I don’t know if I could do this. I’ve lived with the BF for almost 5 years, and I would be incredibly sad and I don’t think I could do this at all.
I do wish you lots of luck with this! It will be a test of your marriage and I’m sure that you will work through this.
Thanks Michelle! I know it would be even harder after 5 years, but it’s still not easy being almost 2. I think what’s really going to help is still being close.
Before we moved to Syracuse, we lived with my parents for three weeks. I love my parents, but it’s hard not to have your own place — especially if you’ve on your own for a while. Then, when we moved back out West, my husband came out six weeks before I did and had to be a single dad for six weeks while I finished up my program. That was difficult, being 2/3 of a continent apart, in different time zones, and only able to talk over the phone at the end of the day. However, it was only for a short period of time. I can’t imagine if it was for an indefinite period of time. Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out.
Wow, very tough! I couldn’t do it. My husband and I have been together 5 years and married for 4. We have three kids together, so I deff don’t think I could do it. But if you have a strong relationship you will come through it stronger than before 🙂
This situation seems rough. I can only imagine how hard it is to be away from your spouse. I’ve been in long distance relationships and I hate them. Your husband will be close by, but it’s not the same as living with him and sleeping with him like you’ve done for the last year. If you were in your 10th year of marriage..Who knows? Maybe you’d look forward to the break. But your relationship is still relatively young.
It sounds like you’re really strong. I’m pulling for you and your husband to get through this.
My wife and I lived 4 hours apart for almost a year but then this was before we were even engaged. Of course we were use to living together but it did make things a little difficult. The good thing is that you are still so close but it does suck that this is all happening in the first year. But they say the first two years are the hardest.
Wow, you guys are going through a lot, I definitely feel for you. It’s hard to be apart! My boyfriend and I tend to spend at least some time apart over the past few years. We just have a lot of different things we do and we spent the entire first year as long distance. It’s definitely hard but it’s worked for us. If you set a goal or have a date for when you can be back in the same house, that definitely helps you keep going. I’m rooting for you guys!
Love the new template!
This can’t be an easy time for you guys. Definitely scheduling in time together will be important.
I couldn’t live with my parents (I moved out at 17) and I definitely couldn’t live with his family. It would be a choice between a rock and a hard place if we were down and out, for sure. There was a point a year or two ago when his mum was having trouble and he suggested that we could move in with her and his younger (school aged) brother to help out. Thankfully, that idea didn’t last.
My husband and I have done this a few times during our 31 years of marriage–am I dating myself yet? Yes, we did get married when we were just three years old…thanks! Anyway, it can work really well–you realize how much you miss them when they aren’t around. We have gone through two fairly lengthy periods where we lived apart, and several shorter term ones, always because of work— so I am glad I now make a living from home–that doesn’t need to happen ever again:)