I have come to the conclusion that I am experiencing my quarter life crisis. You know, the identity crisis people go through, but instead of it being when I’m middle aged, I’m having it now, in my early 20s (assuming I live until my 80s that is). Anyways, yeah, that’s what’s going on. I think it’s a bit comical, frustrating, and liberating all at the same time. Looking back at my younger self, I was a square. Or a stick. Who knows. I was so set in my ways and my goals. I knew what I wanted to do, I had a timeline, and I was the hardest person on myself. Then 2009 came, and my world as I knew it came tumbling down. I began to become this unsure, uncertain person going through some crazy phase.
I have my high moments and my low moments, which of course led me to believe I was bipolar, but my therapist ruled that out. I was, however, suffering from depression. Still a battle, but not like it once was. I don’t feel unbearably sad anymore like I used to. Instead, I feel irritatingly indecisive. Oh God am I indecisive. I spend so much time thinking and pondering and making sure, and ruling out, and it’s sickening, even to me, so I’m sure it’s annoying to my family and friends. I’m a perfectionist, which explains this, but it of course messes up any chance at perfection. So then I become a walking oxymoron.
I wrote out a list of 21 things I want to accomplish before I turn 22, and I wrote it in my Franklin Covey planner as well so I can see it on a daily basis. The problem is, well, there’s a few problems. All of those problems lie within myself:
- I’m impatient
- I’m anxious
- I over extend myself, then I under perform
- I’m a people pleaser
- I’m a worrier and a stresser