Category Archives: Hot Topics

What’s a Deal Breaker for Saving Your Relationship?

I have read many articles and books in which couples stated that divorce is not an option. Reading that usually warms my heart, especially in the day and age of microwave weddings, marriages, and divorces. I watched a few documentaries by my friends Ronnie & Lamar Tyler, focusing on marriage and interviewing several couples. In their latest documentary, Still Standing, couples discussed the problems that their marriage overcame, and how they were still standing. Some of the issues included financial problems, career demands, blending families, chronic illness, and infidelity. Yes, relationships can be saved in spite of these challenges. So what’s a deal breaker?

We briefly talked about Evelyn Lozada and Chad Johnson/Ochocinco, and how their marriage was over about a month after it started. The reason the marriage came to a screeching halt was because of a domestic dispute in which Chad headbutted Evelyn in a heated argument. I personally am a firm believer that domestic violence is a deal breaker, and a relationship cannot be repaired afterwards, but I can’t speak for everyone. I assumed that because Evelyn filed for divorce immediately after the incident, she felt the same. I guess I was wrong.

We know the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident that happened a few years ago and how their on and off relationship / love triangle has been going on. Well when they were seen at the Lakers and Knicks Christmas game, and took a picture that went viral on Instagram and Twitter, Evelyn tweeted this:

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Seeing that tweet disturbed me. Was Evelyn supporting a seemingly toxic relationship after she had ended hers? Well then I got another surprise. I saw Evelyn tweeting between people and Chad. And later saw this tweet:

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Living together? I thought Evelyn moved out of their house together, and insisted that she would not go back to Chad, even though he was doing everything in his power to win her back.

Do people make mistakes? Absolutely. Does one bad decision dictate someone’s entire existence and personality? It shouldn’t. However, I just think there are some things you sort of can’t go back on. I can’t speak for Rihanna or Evelyn, especially because I’m not in their Louboutins. I know they both despise the fact that people expect them to be role models when they don’t want to be. But it comes with the territory. So they’re going to get some heat from it.

Some of the situations couples went through in Still Standing are deal breakers. There are many married couples who couldn’t get past an affair, financial issues, and even life threatening diseases. Someone married to their job can be just as much of a no-go as someone married to someone else. My best friend has told me that she would not put up with the things I have put up with if she were married. It’s truly to each his/her own. But where is the line drawn? Is there a line?

Again, I like the idea of divorce not being option. In order for that to work though, both parties need to have respect for the other partner, and there should be an agreement as to what is not acceptable in your marriage. Counseling can work wonders, but is there a situation that can’t be fixed?

Would you take your spouse back after a domestic dispute? What’s a situation you don’t think your marriage could survive?

Pre-Nuptials: A Recipe for Divorce?

One of the things that goes into the talk about marriage is the talk about your assets. No, not physical, but financial. Some couples come into a relationship with their own wealth, their own property, their own career, etc. To protect themselves “in case of divorce”, talks of a pre-nuptial agreement occur. We’ve seen divorces turn ugly without them, where not only tens of thousands but hundreds of millions are lost by one party and awarded to the other. Heard the phrase “it’s cheaper to keep her?” In Tiger Woods’ and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s situations, this was definitely the case.

An argument in favor of prenupts is to confirm that your spouse is marrying you because they love you, and not for the money. We all know a gold digger or two, who intend to marry rich and prosper off someone else’s hard work. Love hasn’t always been the basis of a marriage; it’s been an economic stimulus package of its own for many years. It may seem insane to many of us in today’s society, but there are still people out there who intend to find a significant other with significant figures.

My personal argument against prenupts is that it shows your lack of faith in the relationship. I know it sounds a bit extreme, but to me, if you look to get a prenupt, you’re somewhat expecting things to not work out and end in divorce. Who goes into a commitment that’s intended to be “til death do us part” when in the back of your mind, you’re thinking “things probably won’t work out and I’m going to keep everything I’ve got”? It’s a bit disheartening for both parties, the one who is in a better financial position because they second guess their partner, and the person with less assets for being seen as someone who might take advantage down the line.

Tej and I talked about it before we got married. It was a quick and painless conversation. We decided to not get one. One reason may be because we’re young and don’t have many assets in the first place. My main reason, of course, is because of the argument I mentioned above, that in my eyes, you’re anticipating a divorce. I know we won’t be broke for long, but I also believe we will build an empire together, and are joining forces in multiple areas, including financially.

What’s your opinion on pre-nuptial agreements? Are you for or against them? Which celebrities do you think would’ve benefited from one (besides the two I named before)? Post originally published May 27, 2011.

Hollywood Divorce

So here we are with another celebrity marriage ending, well, rather quickly. This couple is actually beating out Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries with their 72 day marriage. This marriage, ending after only 41 days. Tragic. Football player Chad Johnson (or Ochocinco) and reality TV star wife Evelyn Lozada just wed on the 4th of July, and now they are in the process of getting a divorce after a domestic dispute that occurred over the weekend that resulted in Chad losing his job with the Miami Dolphins and the couple losing their reality TV show on VH1, Ev and Ocho.

I’m a bit irritated to learn of yet another divorce that many anticipated, but I tried to stay positive and hope for the best. Obviously, these circumstances are different from other divorces we’ve talked about. I’m still not quite sure what happened between Kim and Kris. Heidi and Seal just so happened to grow apart. Kobe & Vanessa (are they still together?) had to do with infidelity. However, domestic violence is never okay, and is definitely grounds to get out of a relationship.

However, I’m most irritated at the fact that this more than likely could have been avoided. Divorces are messy, and so are annulments. Why bother spending thousands on a wedding when you’re going right back to the courthouse the next month to get a divorce? You’re wasting your time and your money. Why bother?

It seems to me that people are in such a rush to get married without really thinking what goes into a marriage, what a marriage means, what a marriage requires. It’s couples like these who have little to no regard for the seriousness of a marriage that give it such a bad name. I honestly can’t blame people who are not interested in getting married for this very reason. However, I hope they don’t take these quickie marriages and divorces as a true example of what married life is about.

Now I suppose it’s different when celebrities are involved, but they’re human too, and they should be subject to the same things regular couples have to go through. Pre-marital counseling could go a long way to avoiding a lot of this ridiculous drama we’ve been seeing in Hollywood divorces. Being upfront and honest from the get go is another huge one. And most importantly: communication. Everyone goes through that “I’m so in love” phase, but they’re so quick to leave once that feeling goes away. To be honest, you shouldn’t be head over heels in love with the person you’re getting ready to marry, because that feeling is temporary and will go away. You’ll have a better idea of if your marriage can last after you get sick of them for a while.

For example, hubby and I had plenty of arguments and disagreements before we knew we were getting married. I had days where I was sick of him and he had days he was sick of me. But we knew what to expect, we knew how to work through those issues, and we knew it wouldn’t always be like that. Seems like a lot of these couples are getting in while the getting is good, which works for some things, but many times it doesn’t work in marriage.

It does suck being a celebrity and living out your relationship in the public eye. When things like domestic disputes happen, you can kiss privacy goodbye. Your photos and police report will be up on TMZ and gone viral via social media in less than 24 hour’s time. Then people are stalking your Facebook page and Twitter profile to see what you have to say, if anything. I can’t imagine going through that. But, so is what you sacrifice when you become a celebrity.

What do you think about all of these Hollywood divorces? Should celebrities take more time before getting married? Are they way too quick to divorce?