Category Archives: Love Making

More Sex, Happy Life

Even though hump day was yesterday, let’s talk about sex (baby)! It’s taboo to some, exciting for others. Regardless of how we feel about it, everybody’s doing it! At least, that what they had us thinking in high school. But somehow, when you become married, it seems like no one is doing it. Including you. It’s Thursday; have you had sex this week? For those of you who grinned and nodded a little too enthusiastically, good for you. But my hunch is that many of you said no.

So what gives? Why aren’t married people utilizing that marriage bed on a regular basis? I can tell you a bunch of excuses, both legitimate and just plain…not. “My back aches! (My bra too tight)” “The kids are up.” “The kids will be up.” “I’m not in the mood.” “I’m exhausted.” “I don’t look good. (Don’t get me started about this one)” Rebuttals: be on bottom and not on top, tell the kids to entertain themselves, sneak in a quickie, get in the mood, find the energy, and he thinks you look good. Oh look at that. You ran out of excuses.

But seriously, so many of us women complain about sex, when in reality, it helps our marriages 10 times more than it hurts. Aren’t you tired of your husband giving you this look?

Y U No Have Sex With Me

Creeper status, right? For real, y u no have sex with your hubby? And before we have that one off comment from someone, let’s direct the same question to those (rare) men: y u no have sex with your wifey? Let’s check out some of the benefits of sex, and why having more of it can make you and your spouse happier:

More Sex = Better At Work

Some people like to joke, “Oh, So-and-So is all smiles today. Must have gotten lucky.” Jealous? You should be. Because So-and-So did get lucky last night, and So-and-So is able to focus on his/her work better with that pent up energy nice and released. He/she is killing it in productivity, while you’re with the water cooler chatter. Having more sex gives you more creativity and productivity at work. Have more sex, get that promotion. What a mission!

More Sex is Dope

Yeah like the slang word, but also literally. Having sex releases dopamine, the feel-good chemicals. It’s similar to the feeling a woman gets when buying shoes, or the feeling a man gets when his team is winning a game. Stimulate your mind (Craig) after stimulating your body.

More Sex = Less Fights

I’m sick of arguing with my husband, just plain sick of it. But you know what stops arguments, or at least reduces them? S-E-X. Who can possibly be angry when they’re having a grand ol’ time in the real happiest place on earth? More chemicals are released, oxytocin (that’s not a misspelling, so just read it again) and these chemicals help you deal with stress. The stress from cooking dinner. The stress from the never-ending dirty dishes. The stress you accidentally brought home from work. I read during one Marriage Chat that someone advised when you want to stop a fight with your spouse, just start getting naked. They won’t know what to do, but they’ll figure it out.

More Sex = Less You

When I say “less you” I mean the amount of you, body wise. Weight loss is serious, and burning calories is the name of the game. Who wants to go spinning or pass out in boot camp? Spin around in the covers, and take no prisoners in the bedroom. Weight loss is the perfect excuse to do it. “Honey, I have a calorie burning goal I need to meet, let’s get busy!” (Pun all the way intended) Is it a miracle solution? No, but your spouse doesn’t have to know that.

Do it for God. Do it for your spouse. Do it for yourself. Do it for the people (just don’t do it in front of the people, unless, you know, that’s your thing). Whatever you do, do it. Get it, get it.

Do you think you’re having enough sex? How often would you like to do it?

Could You Have Sex for 7 Days Straight?

I hear the sounds of “hell yes” and “hell no” coming from many of you. Could you have sex with your spouse 7 days in a row? What if it was an attempt to save your marriage? The good people of Lifetime have started a new series called 7 Days of Sex, where they challenge married couples to make love everyday for a week, in an attempt to increase their intimacy and bring them closer together.

I just finished watching the 1st episode, and I love it. They profiled two couples who were having sex irregularly. One couple cited their children and being tired as the reason they weren’t doing the deed consistently. The other couple had no children, but were stressed by their financial situation (been there, done that). So what happens when married couples do what, well, married couples should be doing anyways? You can catch the episode online.

Could I do it? I don’t know. 7 days in a row is a lot LOL. I thought intimacy was sparse before, but try not even living in the same house. Awkward! But nevertheless, it would certainly be an experiment I’d be willing to try. One thing you’d have to do is spice it up. If you see sex as a chore or a thing on your to-do list doesn’t make it exciting. It could make you dread it instead. Vary the times and locations. Try new ways and incorporate new things. Ask what your partner wants. Tell your partner what you want.

I think that this type of intimacy is an important piece in the success of a marriage. Why else do you think a pastor brought a stripper pole into the pulpit? Even when I was reading Spousonomics, I was surprised to see that sex is one of the first things to go in a marriage. If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch like hubby’s is, then sex will most certainly be an integral part of the way you show them that you love them.

Sex has become so taboo and hush hush, and also tainted by the media, thrown in our faces and yet people get so much anxiety when it’s talked about. Sex education should be more than preventing teens from getting pregnant. There should be a movement of sex education for married couples too. Talk about it with your significant other and see if they’d be up for the challenge, or at least game enough to watch the show with you.

Do you think a 7 day sex challenge could help a marriage? Why or why not? How important is physical intimacy in your relationship?

Will a Stripper Pole Save Your Marriage?

In case you missed it on the news, Pastor Mike Scruggs of Light of Word Ministries in White Oak, Ohio brought some pretty unconventional props into a church workshop called “Battle of the Sexes”. The pastor is determined to save marriages, and is pushing the envelope by being, well, real. I’d be the first to admit that churches shy away from talking about some of the realities in life. Most churches don’t discuss the evils, they just condemn them. We all know that sex is a tool for procreation, but it’s also a beautiful experience shared between a husband and wife. So why not discuss it with the congregation?

Spicing up your marriage is very important. Intimacy is a huge portion of your love, and it’s sad that popular culture has made it so taboo. I don’t think people realize that they try to discourage sex so much that sometimes when you finally get married, it almost has a negative connotation in your mind. Although sex surrounds us on a daily basis, especially in the media, there’s not enough education on how it can truly be a tool when it comes to strengthening your marriage.

Was the stripper pole extreme? Maybe for some people. But I would have loved to be at those sermons. Remember when I threatened hubby with No Weight Loss, No Sex? Well I quickly learned that it should not be used as a weapon or bargaining tool. So we did it. And I realized how important it was for us. So I applaud this pastor’s method.

What do you think? Will a stripper pole save your marriage? Is it a little too extreme of a topic to be touched by a church? How do you spice up your love life?