Category Archives: In-Laws

How to Woo Your New In-Laws

Chances are you’ll already know your in-laws quite well before you tie the knot. But after the wedding, the rules change. You’re part of the family now and no matter if you met on eHarmony or at university, you need to work a little bit harder to get in your in-law’s good books. Here are a few dos and don’ts to help the process along…

Do ask your partner for help

Your partner should be a constant source of tips for pleasing their parents – so make sure you use this to full advantage! This way you’ll cause delight with every gift and cook exactly the right food when they come to stay.

Do organise trips together

Going away on joint holidays is a great way to get to know your in-laws. Just a week away will see you bonding and getting to know each other a lot better.

Do be helpful

Make sure to be as useful as you possibly can be, especially when it comes to any kind of domestic chores. Offer to do the washing up, for example. See where help is needed and jump up eagerly every time you spot an opportunity. This is a very simple but effective way to gain approval.

Do listen

Make sure to listen to all the concerns of your in-laws and try your best to help with them. It’s great to position yourself as someone they can confide in.

Don’t disregard house rules

If staying in your in-laws’ house, make sure you stick to their rules. That could be using a napkin at the table, or taking off your shoes at the entrance to the house. Disregarding these rules would be unwise and disrespectful.

 

Don’t forget to return the favor

Remember the favours paid to you by your in-laws and ensure you pay them back. This could be anything from a visit to an extravagant present to an invitation to dinner.

Don’t reveal inappropriate facts

Keep it clean. Don’t drop in inappropriate trivia such as your favourite sexual position. There are some things you just shouldn’t discuss with inlaws, no matter how well you know them.

With all of these tips to your armoury the inlaws should be putty in your hands, whether you met your partner not long ago on an online dating site in Leeds or have known them since you were a child.

Gotta Go, Gotta Leave

This has been probably one of the most stressful 2 months in a long time. From family members passing away to my grandpa being in and out of the hospital, and add in drama in the running group. I could enjoy a little getaway. But I don’t think that’s enough. I think it’s time for hubby and I to get back out on our own, as soon as humanly possible.

My grandparents have been pretty difficult to deal with lately, but especially my grandpa. Let me make it perfectly clear: he’s not sick. He’s been having a few issues and has had a few procedures. So none of these hospital trips have been life or death situations. He’s been completely milking it and acting absolutely ridiculous, and it’s taking a toll on all of us. My grandma is grouchy because my grandpa insists he stay with her at the hospital every single night (not comfortable). My mom is stressed because despite having to work 12 hours/day, my grandpa insists that she come to the hospital to look at him for hours on end. And I’m irritated because despite the fact that I’m married and have to work pretty much overtime on my relationship since we’re not under the same roof, my grandpa still insists I come visit him (again, he’s not sick). I’m getting pretty fed up.

So this sparked a discussion with my mom. From the actions of my grandparents and even my in laws, we came to the conclusion that neither couple truly respects the fact that Tej and I are married. Both couples will demand their either he or I do something for them, without asking if we’re busy or have other things planned, especially with each other. We feel more obligated to them than we do to each other. We’ve put each other on the backburner to do tasks for either his parents or my grandparents, simply because they don’t factor in that we’re responsible for someone else (each other). It’s really putting a negative strain on our already strained relationship, and that’s the last thing we need.

As grateful as we are to our families for allowing us to live back at home rent free, I’m beginning to think it’s doing more harm than good. Yeah, maybe it was the easiest financial decision, but is it worth our marriage? Not in my opinion. So I think it’s time to go. It’s time to get back on our own, by any means necessary. Although I’m a temp at my job, from the words of other employees, a lot of permanent people started off as temps and were awarded a permanent position in about a year’s time. Plus, our agency never gave us an end date. The position was/is “long term”, which gives me a bit of added confidence. Hubby hasn’t found anything yet, but I’m going to speak it into existence. He will find something and we will be fine.

Is moving back out on our own without having things completely solid a risk? You better believe it. There’s risk that things won’t work out and we’ll be right back at square one. But I think this is a risk worth taking. This situation we’re in is not positive by any stretch of the imagination, and I think it’s doing more harm than good to our marriage. We tried; we moved back in March and August is coming to a close. It’s just not something we like so it’s time to start looking for places to restart our lives.

What do you think? Think we should wait a while longer or think the risk is worth taking?

Handling Sick Parents

Yesterday, my father-in-law started his first day of chemotherapy. It’s been something we’ve been anticipating for a while now, but nevertheless, it’s certainly scary. I saw that hubby was a little unnerved yesterday, and no doubt he’s been worried about his dad’s health. At church on Sunday, the pastor prayed vigorously for the family, and at the end of the prayer, I noticed hubby and my mother-in-law both sneak off to the bathroom to wipe their tears. It was quite emotional.

Just a few years ago, it was my mom who was very sick and it was really scary. We constantly were going to the emergency room. Multiple medications and misdiagnoses later, my mom had a heart attack. I was so scared, but hubby (then boyfriend) was there for me the whole time. The tough thing is, it’s sort of hard being there for your significant other when a parent is sick. It’s hard to see them going through the emotions, and knowing that you can’t do much except offer supportive words.

A lady I know and respect told me that one of the hardest tests on your marriage is when a parent passes away. I can’t imagine the pain that has to be experienced when that time comes. I hate talking about death, and don’t want to imagine a life without our parents, but it is unfortunately inevitable. My in-laws are considerably older than my parents, but anything can happen. It’s just really stressful to even think about.

One of the stressors is the inevitable drama that will occur when my FIL passes away. Hubby has 11 brothers and sisters who will undoubtedly come out from the woodwork insisting something belongs to them. MIL is going to be in a daze. Hubby is going to be upset. I’m going to have to be the rock and the glue to keep things in order. It’s going to be hard but as is life and death.

I pray that my FIL’s chemotherapy goes smoothly. I’ve heard stories about how hard it can be on the person and the family, so I’ve just been asking God for strength for my family.

Have you had to deal with a sick parent or in-law? How did it affect your marriage?